The Twenties. Mind Games.

When did everyone suddenly start playing mind games with one another? I'm sitting at lunch with my friend who is talking about this amazing guy she met this past weekend and went on a date with. She's smiling from ear to ear going on and on about how incredibly good looking and intelligent he is and just when she's just about finished with the story her phone rings. She looks down at her phone and her eyes completely light up, "it's him", she says. Of course, I tell her to pick up because that's what you normally do when your awaiting some one's call but to my surprise she hits the decline button. I then ask why she declined the call and she tells me I don't want him to think I'm just sitting around waiting for his call. She then says, and I quote, "I have to play hard to get. Now that I know he's thinking about me I'll wait a few days to call him, it'll make him want me more." What surprised me is that she said this so naturally as if reciting her A,B,C's. I've always heard about men and women playing mind games but I didn't know we became so comfortable with this that we can actually admit it aloud. I then turned to my friends for their thoughts on the topic and after much debate they all concluded that at one point in time they all played some sort of mind game with someone they were involved with.
Now, I took a couple of psychology classes and last time I checked the term mind game was associated with passive aggressive behavior, covert abuse and manipulation. Now when I told my friends this they all started using the phrase "it's just an innocent mind game". If you ask me, the words innocent and mind game does not belong in the same sentence. As far as I can tell, mind games does not make us anymore desirable it just makes us look crazy. It's hard enough on men just to understand us women, so pardon me if I don't play mind games. I just don't have the time for it and it seems like unnecessary work. As far as my friend goes, once he didn't hear back from her in two days he assumed she didn't enjoy the date. He went on a date with another female and began to seriously date her two weeks later. A mind game is exactly what is sounds like, a game. There can only be one winner. I laugh now every time I see that pop up at the end of a video game. "You lost. Play again?"

The Twenties. Trust.

Trust. Why is it so hard to trust people? I believe the reason is because there is nothing logical about trusting people. There's nothing logical about being completely open and vulnerable with another human being. Ultimately, your taking a leap of faith on a person and entrusting them with your feelings and emotions. You have to build trust with a person and determine their trustworthiness. This is why so many friendships and relationships fail. We either don't know how to build trust or are too quick to trust. How do you build trust? Easy. Rely on your common sense and be patient. We forget that we have to feel trust and experience one's trustworthiness. With time a person will show you whether or not they are trustworthy, it's up to you to decide if you will keep that person in your life or not. We make it difficult to trust because for some odd reason we all forgot that we have to determine if someone is trustworthy before we trust them. Building trust is never difficult, it just requires time. Now rebuilding trust that's difficult. I'll attempt to tackle that topic later.

The Twenties. Friends vs Acquaintances

Why does it feel like we lose so many friends in our twenties? Are we changing so much that certain friends no longer fit into our life? When do we notice that our friends are slipping away? Is it an angry phone call from a "friend" demanding to know why we are strangers to them now. Are we being accused of never calling. Did we really go from speaking every day to only speaking once a week. Is there a way to prevent this from happening? It would be easy to say it's like any other relationship you have to work at it. The truth is in your twenties that's when you start working a real 9 to 5. That's when you realize there are not a lot of hours in the day to do all that you need to get done. That's when the real journey on your life path begins and not all your friends fit onto that path. Your twenties is where you really figure out your interests, your dreams and your goals. So why do we take it so personally when a close friend is no longer in constant contact. Some take it really hard like it's a break up, analyzing what they could of possibly done wrong. Then when that friend finally finds a minute out of their busy schedule to call them they immediately get attacked. Are you the one constantly over analyzing why some people don't keep in touch like they use to? Or are you the person whose life has become so busy you don't notice when you go an entire week without calling at least one friend or send a friendly text. Is there a friendly transition from close friends to acquaintances? How do we decipher friends from acquaintances?

The Twenties. The New Mid Life Crisis?

"Shit I'm Old." This is the text that woke me up at 4:00am on a Saturday night. To make matters worse it was sent from someone who is three years younger than me. Apparently a friends younger sibling went to a nightclub and found out upon arrival it was teens night. The next text that followed said, "there are so many new artists, new dances and new songs out I had no idea about. I definitely felt like the old bitch in the club." This was alarming to me because if she thought she was old then I must be ancient. Every twenty something that I know definitely has that moment when they realize they are getting older. But when did getting older turn into "I'm old"? Does it hit us like an epiphany? What was the moment when you realized, holy crap I'm old. If you ask me it sounds dangerously close to almost having a mid life crisis. Are twenty somethings even capable of having a mid life crisis. Should there be a new term for us? Why do forty somethings get a fancy word and we don't? This definitely caught my attention and I needed to do my own research. First I needed to exactly what a mid life crisis meant. From movies and T.V all I really knew was that at some point in your forties people begin to go crazy or slowly lose their mind. No offense to older readers but that's what was always portrayed on television when it came to a mid life crisis. I needed to actually define what a mid life crisis meant and this is the best definition I found so far. The following is taken from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, "To describe a period of dramatic self-doubt that is felt by some individuals in the "middle years" or middle age of life, as a result of sensing the passing of their own youth and the imminence of their old age." Was that it? Did that sum up a mid life crisis? I conducted my own experiment at my office. I ask several colleagues the following question, "Would you consider your twenties a period of dramatic self-doubt sensing the passing of your youth and the imminence of old age." It was unanimous, everyone said yes. I felt like I was on to something. I was about to discover that twenty somethings have their own weird mid life crisis of their own. So where is our fancy term!? I need to do more research.

The Twenties. Your Relationship vs The Internet.

In your twenties lovers will come in and out of your life very much like a revolving door. Some are mere flings others turn into serious relationships. People say when you're in love and can be completely open and honest with your partner then you're relationship can withstand the test of time. Clearly this person was not around for the epidemic that is social networking websites. It is terrific for keeping up with friends, family and colleagues. But what happens when you start dating someone new and you both happen to be on the same social networking sites. Do you look at that persons page more than you should? Are you looking for something to affirm that your partner is faithful? When did these harmless sites become the ultimate spy tool for people in relationships? Some might say if he or she is faithful and not doing anything then I don't see the harm in checking out their page once or twice a day. Why is this necessary? Some of us don't even brush our teeth twice a day so why do we make it a point to "spy" on our partner twice a day. If we are happy with the person we are with, and I mean truly happy, then why are we looking for something that can be the detriment of our relationship? It seems that we all secretly have trust issues and social networking sites only confirms this.
I received a text from an ex colleague, Alanna, who I have remained friends with over the past three years. She's a 26 year old financial account manager, incredibly beautiful, has a masters degree in business and makes a impressive salary for any 26 year old. When it comes to relationships she always has a difficult time trusting men and it's always short lived due to her trust issues. I regret introducing Alanna to Twitter because she is now a social networking stalker and her boyfriend of only 8 weeks is the victim. Instead of doing work at work she has become consumed with checking out the profiles of her boyfriends female friends looking for any sign of flirting. I knew it was getting out of hand when she text me at 9:30am "OMG why did she send him a smiley face and he sent her a wink back"! Let's just say two weeks later the relationship was no more and the smiley face and wink was completely harmless. If she would of did further research she would of found out the girl was pregnant and engaged to her long time boyfriend of four years.
Speaking to several friends social networking spying on a partner is more common than I thought. Is there a way to stop this? Are all relationships doomed because of our constant over thinking and over analyzing? I know some of you are thinking well how else are we suppose to find out if our lover is cheating. I don't want to look like a fool in the end because he or she was cheating. We need to stop, take a deep breathe and learn how to trust a little more. If you feel the constant need to check up on your partner because you think he or she is cheating then just maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship. The problem is not them, it's you. Your trust issues will be the down fall of your relationship. The best piece of advice that anyone ever gave to me when it comes to a relationship is "whatever is done in the dark will come to light". You can't go looking for things to deteriorate your relationship. Sometimes you just have to let things play out. What I do know is that we do all of this to prevent having our hearts broken. I am sorry to be the one to inform you that heart break is inevitable. It's almost as certain as death.

The Twenties. The New Survivor.

They say your twenties are the years to be envied by all other age groups. They are said to be the best years of your life. The partying, the freedom, the self-discovery and just the celebration of being young. Is it just me or did someone fail to tell us these are the years when life just hits you in the face. The only real comparison I can even come up with is to a deer caught in headlights. Just imagine what goes through a deers' mind right before seeing a speeding car with blinding bright lights. Their so surprised and frightened they are unable to move or think. Well that's what it feels like in your twenties. Life comes at you so fast it can feel like suffocation. So how do you make long term life decisions when you can barely breathe? Do we rely on our instincts? Do we just "go with the flow"? Is this why so many of us turn to recreational drug use and become alcoholics because we just can't deal? Do we make reckless decisions because that's the "thing-to-do" when you're in your twenties? Why do the twenties feel like the new "Survivor"? I'm sure almost everyone is familiar with the show Survivor. A reality television game show where contestants are isolated in the wilderness and compete for cash and prizes. Unfortunately, not everyone can successfully make it to the end. There motto: Outwit, Outplay, Outlast. Should this be the new catch-phrase for us twenty somethings. Is there a way to survive these crucial years without losing a piece of ourselves or losing ourselves completely?