The Twenties. The New Selfish Society.

I love going to the bar with my friends. Not only for the cheap drinks and great conversation, but the conversations I get to eavesdrop on. One night, I overheard this young girl talking about her relationship with her boyfriend. Basically, they were both young busy people who barely had time for one another. According to her, they we're both very much in love with each other and wanted to make it work. But here's her definition of making it work, which I'm sure she didn't run past her partner. She would "pretend" everything is fine in her relationship and tell her partner that she didn't mind that they barely saw one another. But in reality she hated it and to satisfy her needs would see other people on the side. When her friend suggested and open relationship she nearly choked on her drink and said I would die if I found out he was seeing someone else. When did we all become so selfish? When did playing with one's heart become so easy? When did we all stop learning how to make sacrifices. The real scary part about the conversation is that 4 out of her 5 friends agreed. When did selfishness become so common? I also feel like we really forgot what a relationship really means. Isn't it suppose to be when two people commit to only one another? Not fall in love with one person, tell them that you love them but continue to sleep with other people. I mean what the hell is going on? I needed to know how common this really was so I spoke to a few friends about it. I'm not saying that all my friends agreed but the majority agreed, if it's just sex and nothing more then there is no harm in sleeping with another person you don't have feelings for. This saddens me and makes me really dislike my generation. Why is the body no longer a temple? Doesn't commitment also mean physical commitment?
 I don't need to make a clever long winded answer for this one. If you don't have enough time for your partner and are not willing to make any sacrifices then you don't need to be in a relationship. Not only that but no one should be sleeping with more than one person, single or not. I'm starting to realize this is why we have so many STD's floating around, so many failed marriages and so many "baby momma's". Is my generation ever going to get it together? Or do we just get older, continue to make the same mistakes and set a bad example for the generation the follows? I'm no rocket scientist but I think I already know the answer.

The Twenties. Forgiveness.

Why is it so hard to forgive in a relationship? Is it because we never really forget what the person did we just excuse it? For instance, let's say I had a 2009 BMW that my friend ask to borrow for a couple of hours. When she returns with the car there's a fresh scratch on the hood of the car. She's apologetic, of course, but she's insane if she thinks I'll ever give her my car keys again in the near future. So how do we apply this to a relationship. Your partner cheated. How do you move forward? You forgive him and he's never allowed to talk to another female? That's unfair because despite what you may think he's not your property. Many view cheating as something that's unforgettable and their absolutely right. How do you forgive the unforgettable?
I think many of us need to take a step back and really examine what forgiveness means. To forgive is to pardon any wrong doing and to renounce any anger that you may have. When you ask someone to forgive you to many of us expect to be forgiven in the blink of an eye just because you apologize and ask for forgiveness. Yes, we have the ability to forgive you but it doesn't happen over night. Forgiveness takes time as do many other things, i.e rebuilding trust like I spoke about earlier. It takes time to let that anger go to truly forgive someone. It's so hard to forgive in a relationship nowadays because everyone forgot what it means to forgive. Our partner ask us to forgive them and we blindly say yes and block it from our mind as it never happened. Well it did happen. Blocking it from our mind does nothing but make you look oblivious to what really happened. You can't just decide to block something out. That's silly and it doesn't make much sense. You can decide whether or not your willing to take the time out and forgive someone but forgiveness actually comes much later. Now, if your the one that did the wrong doing please don't expect to be forgiven overnight. We also need to learn how to word things more carefully. If your partner admits something to you and you really don't forgive them, don't tell them that you forgive them. The appropriate response should be I am willing to forgive you but it will take some time. Let's stop blocking out all the bad things that happens in a relationship. Let's take the time out and really learn how to forgive.

The Twenties. The Gift Of Giving Flowers.

I love that I have an equal amount of male friends to female friends. I get a good look of how differently men and women think. Now, don't get me wrong, there are those rare occasions when both can be on the same page. However, when they're not, I find it that not only are they not on the same page but in a totally different book. One thing that men and women will never be on the same page about: the gift of giving flowers. Some men, from time to time, will give their significant other flowers but will never truly understand why females want these things that will die in about two weeks. Men tend to be more nonchalant so rather than ask questions they shrug their shoulders and just send the flowers. As a women, and after some light research, it seems men only think it's about the flowers. When in actuality it's the meaning behind giving flowers.
For women, flowers represent affection and romance. Two things we love in any relationship. When we receive flowers and it's not an occasion it lets us believe that you were thinking about us at some point in your busy day. I don't think men notice women do a lot AND spend a lot to feel beautiful. Some of us get our hair and nails done religiously, some of us spend hundreds even thousands of dollars on clothing and some of us even get cosmetic surgery. But when a man gives a women flowers not only do we feel beautiful but we feel special.
I explained this to one of my male friends who said, "Are you fucking serious! It's just flowers. You females need to get a grip." Of course I laughed but now I find myself thinking do we really need to get a grip? Why do we let something so insignificant and inexpensive, that will die in two weeks, have so much power? Is it really just flowers?
I don't think I will ever find a correct answer to that question. I can only say how I feel. Yes, physically they are just flowers but they mean so much more. I can't describe the feeling I get when I see someone I really admire and care about surprising me with a bouquet of flowers. In that one moment it seems that the earth stands still. It feels like it's just him and I and these beautiful flowers. After thirty seconds I slowly start to come back down to earth and I feel the biggest grin on my face. I notice I'm blushing and it feels like I'm walking on air. Even if my hair isn't done, or I have crust in my eyes because I just woke up I still feel beautiful and special.
After explaining this, if he still doesn't understand why giving flowers mean so much, I am willing to wave my white flag. I don't want a man to understand why giving flowers can be important. I want a man that knows what makes the earth stand still for me.

The Twenties: Book Intro

Picture this: You. As you are right now. Your running a race. Some of the faces that run along side of you, you know, and some you don’t. But you can’t focus on them, you can only concentrate on you. Your heart is pounding, it’s practically beating out of your chest. Every time your foot hits the floor you feel like you’ll collapse with the next step. Your drenched in sweat. It’s stinging your eyes. Your breathe is wildly out of control. Your praying that the race will soon be over. Then you see it, the finish line. You feel overwhelmed with relief. A smile takes over your face and suddenly like magic the pain begins to suddenly disappear. Now your running faster, just dying to get to that finish line. You can’t wait to get a nice cold Gatorade once you’ve crossed. You hear everyone yelling, applauding and snapping pictures. Everyone is smiling at you, giving you pats on the back. Your now doing a light jog, the finish line is only a few feet away. Your getting closer. Closer. Closer. You did it. You crossed. Everyone around you is cheering and celebrating. Your finally catching your breathe. Your eyes are closed. You never felt more accomplished in your life. You never thought you could actually finish a race but you did. You now see a young boy walking over to hand you your icy cold Gatorade. He hands it to you. The bottle is cold and perspiring. You open the lid and slowly begin to drink. It’s beyond refreshing, your savoring the moment. When you open your eyes the boy says, “Are you ready?” No idea what he’s talking about you respond, “ready for what?”. The boy replies, “The next race. It’s starting right now.”
This is exactly how I felt graduating high school. It felt like I just finished the most exhausting race. A four year long race. Of course the goal of any high school student it to graduate. But how many of us really think beyond the race? I know I didn't. I don’t even think I really cared. I could not see pass the goal of finishing the race. I don’t know why graduation for me equaled freedom, but at the time I thought that’s what graduating represented. Little did I know I was free the entire time. High school is nothing compared to the real world. Six years later, some days I wish I could go back. Were the biggest decision I probably made was to cut class or not. But then I think about the life experiences I’ve endured and where I’m at now I'm life. My unpreparedness took me on a wild roller coaster ride, with many highs and lows I would of never thought of six years ago.

The Twenties. Respect.

Respect. Growing up we're always taught to respect our parents, teachers and elders. Once you start dating we're then told to find someone that will respect us. Respect, respect, respect. I've heard this word my entire life. I'm now 25 years old, I still hear this word all the time and I still have no idea exactly what this word means. As always I turn to my team of experts, my friends, and I ask them to explain what respect means to them. You know that saying "are we on the same page", well they were in the same book but definitely not on the same page. So how can we demand respect and show respect to others when no one seems to have a clear cut definition.
When we were younger showing respect to our parents and teachers was easy. You smiled, said your please and thank you's and never raised your voice. The word respect suddenly changes around your teenage years and takes on a whole new meaning. How do you show respect in a relationship? How do you earn respect in a relationship? As you get older respect is more associated with one's actions. You can no longer sit there, look pretty, flash a smile and think your showing someone respect. Unfortunately I, as always, learned this the hard way.
I was having a discussion with my boyfriend that some how turned into an argument. Just when we was running out of names to call each other he turned to me and said, "you just don't respect me." I was floored. Not only that I was pissed. Every single teacher I ever had from Kindergarten to Eighth grade always wrote two things on my report card after the end of every term; pleasant and respectful. So how could I not respect him?
It's hard to point out signs of respect but we all know the signs of disrespect. If your partner belittles you, lies to you and invades your privacy that's disrespectful. Period. You have to find a way to respect one another in order to have a successful relationship, even if your not sure what respect really means. Sit with your partner and talk about it. I am still learning this but I never forget communication goes along way. If you still find that you are being disrespected please don't think by dealing with their disrespect it just proves how much you love them. That is just stupid. You don't earn respect by tolerating disrespect.