The Twenties. Getting Over An Ex.

I always get the same question. How do you get over someone you are still in love with? The answer is easy, but not very popular amongst my friends. The answer; you have to end all communication. It's not easy, but necessary. I  know there are different circumstances, such as working or going to school with an ex. If that is the case for you, then this article is not for you. This is for those who no social or work ties to their ex. I notice that someone who isn't over the person they just broke up with only wants to stay in their lives because they can't let go. You have to let go for your own sanity and peace of mind. They always know this deep down but always insist on learning the hard way. Getting over someone you are in love with is not meant to be easy. So why do we insist on trying to make this process easy? For those who are truly in love you wake up thinking about that special someone. You go to sleep thinking about that special someone. So you can't expect to get over them overnight. Also whoever said dating helps you get over an ex is an utter fool and a liar. You are too vulnerable to even think about dating, do not do it to yourself. The best medicine is grabbing your girlfriends and having some fun. You have permission to act reckless when you are dealing with a broken heart. Stay out late, have that extra drink and do something you always wanted to do.You can even grab a friend or few friends and take a trip somewhere. The point is to stop your mind from actively thinking about your ex. The reason you do not want to date during this time is because you don't want to jump from one broken heart to the next. Anything is possible, even if you are not looking for love sometimes love tends to find you. Do not set yourself up! I know it's hard and it feels like you will never mend your broken heart but trust me you will. To assist I devised a twelve step program.

Step 1. End All Communication
I don't mean just talking either. No aim, no email, no facebook, no twitter, no calls, no texting, etc. We live in a  world where there is just too many ways to contact someone. Ignore the calls and the texts. Block them from all social networking sites. You need to learn how to live life without them

Step 2. Reflect
Sit down and think about everything that went right and wrong in your relationship. What qualities did you not like about your ex? What would you have done differently? What qualities do you need to work on? Make mental notes so you know what to do, and not to do, in your next relationship. You don't want to keep making the same mistakes. This is an important step!

Step 3. Stick To Your Guns
I noticed after someone reflects, in step two, they think they could apply that to their previous relationship and start over. Trying to make a failed relationship work is a completely different process that involves both parties. Right now, there is a reason you are here and why that relationship did not work. Concentrate on moving forward rather than taking two steps back. You know that person who says "we've been on again off again for (x) amount of years". Trust me, it is as ridiculous as it sounds.

Step 4. It's okay to mope
If it' a week, two weeks or even three weeks later and you still find yourself gloomy and dejected, that's okay. Sit around in your pj's, eat ice cream, listen to sad love songs. Sometimes you just need to cry until there are no tears left.

Step 5. Spring Cleaning
Time to get rid of everything that reminds you of your ex.. Throw away those pictures, throw away those stuffed animals and lock the jewelry away. Just get rid of those things that reminds you of your ex.

Step 6. Occupy Your Time
When you have a lot of down time you'll notice you start to think of your ex. Keep yourself busy. Read that book you've wanted to read. Watch those movies you've been meaning to catch up on. Clean out your DVR. Try to occupy every minute of your day.

Step 7. Pamper Yourself
After dealing with a breakup you don't feel sexy. So treat yourself to something. Manicure, pedicure or anything that makes you feel sexy. It's tremendous how a trip to the salon will improve your mood.


Step 8. Night Out On The Town/Vacation
Get away and do something fun. Whether it be for one night or an entire weekend. Life did not stop because of one broken heart. Grab a friend, or two, and live it up.

Step 9. Don't Be Bitter
Breakups happen all the time. Don't let it break your spirit. Normally after a breakup you feel like you wasted your time. Not true. You always learn something after each failed relationship. Let that anger go. There is nothing attractive about someone being angry all the time.

Step 10. Do Not Rebound
Avoid a rebound relationship. Rebound relationships happen after a breakup with a significant love. It's an excuse to try to forget about your ex. You are not done mending your broken heart. You may think you are ready to date again, but in actuality you are not.

Step 11. Enjoy Being Single
You can enjoy being single without dating. Have more girls nights out. Stay out late. Have that extra drink. Sometimes it's okay to behave badly. There are perks to being single. Find them and enjoy them.

Step 12. Acceptance